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Quotes about comedy

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Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!
Steve Martinborn 1945
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barryborn 1947Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998), p. 182
- Dave Barry
People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them that I have the heart of a small boy…and I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Stephen Kingborn 1947
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t part anywhere near the place.
Steven Wrightborn 1955
- Steven Wright
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln1809–1865
You should always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
HSHomer Simpson
- The Simpsons
Look closely at Central America, and try to imagine what would happen if this vital region were to fall into Communist hands. What would happen is a lot of Communists would be stung repeatedly by vicious tropical insects the size of mature hamsters.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Markus Herz1747–1803Often credited to Mark Twain
In some versions of my original contest column I had proposed, in a lighthearted manner, that we reduce the deficit by ‘selling unnecessary states such as Oklahoma to the Japanese.’ This caused a number of Oklahomans to send in letters containing many correctly spelled words and making the central lighthearted point that I am a jerk. They also sent me official literature stating that Oklahoma has enormous quantities of culture in the form of ballet, Oral Roberts, etc., and that the Official State Reptile⁠—I am not making this up⁠—is something called the ‘Mountain Boomer.’ So I apologize to Oklahoma, and as a token of my sincerity I’m willing to sell my state, Florida, to the Japanese, assuming nobody objects to the fact that Japan would suddenly become the most heavily armed nation on Earth.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
Douglas Adams1952–2001The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (1979)
I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.
Steven Wrightborn 1955
- Steven Wright
The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit.
Rush Limbaugh1951–2021
- Clever Jabs
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Abraham Lincoln1809–1865
- Clever Jabs
There are no seeing eye cats, of course, because the sole function of cats, in the Great Chain of Life, is to cause harm to human beings.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry