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I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers1879–1935As quoted in P. J. O’Brien, Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom (1935), Ch. 9
- Politics
Communism is like prohibition, it’s a good idea but it won’t work.
Will Rogers1879–1935The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949)
- Politics
You’ve got to be optimist to be a Democrat, and you’ve got to be a humorist to stay one.
Will Rogers1879–1935Good Gulf radio show (24 June 1934)
- Politics
You can’t say civilization don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers1879–1935The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949)
- War & Peace
I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.
Will Rogers1879–1935Daily Telegram number 2159, Mr. Rogers Has An Idea How Conferences End (5 July 1933)
- War & Peace
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make one out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a Crook or a Martyr.
Will Rogers1879–1935The Illiterate Digest (1924)
- Money
- Truth & Lies
We have long referred to him as “The Donald.” He is the only person in America to whom we have added an article before his name. It wasn’t because he had attributes we admired.
Mitt Romneyborn 1947Remarks on Donald Trump and the 2016 race
- Clever Jabs
The Internet doesn’t just offer opportunities for misogynistic abuse, you know. Penis enlargers can also be bought discreetly.
J. K. Rowlingborn 1965Tweet (8 May 2015), as cited in “J.K. Rowling Burns Twitter Troll With ‘Penis Enlargers’ Joke”, The Hollywood Reporter (8 May 2015)
- Clever Jabs
- Internet
When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground, and swish my tail, none of which is easy!
Anne, Princess Royalborn 1950Susan Ratcliffe (2010) Oxford Dictionary of Quotations by Subject. p. 411: On her “horsey” reputation
- Fame
I love being married, I do. It’s so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudnerborn 1953Best of the Improv, Vol. 3 (2003)
- Marriage
Nobody is really happy with what’s on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.
Rita Rudnerborn 1953Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992), p. 24
There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.
Bertrand Russell1872–1970The Conquest of Happiness (1930)
- Reading
A dog cannot relate his autobiography; however eloquently he may bark, he cannot tell you that his parents were honest but poor.
Bertrand Russell1872–1970Human Knowledge: Its Scope and Limits (1948), part II, chapter 1, p. 74
- Animals
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one – particularly if he plays golf, which he usually does.
Bertrand Russell1872–1970Introduction to The New Generation (1930)
- Family
It is obvious that “obscenity” is not a term capable of exact legal definition; in the practice of the Courts, it means “anything that shocks the magistrate.”
Bertrand Russell1872–1970Sceptical Essays (1928), Ch. 10: Recrudescence of Puritanism
- Clever Jabs
- Laws