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Quotes about comedy

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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’
Lyndon B. Johnson1908–1973Often credited to Margaret Thatcher
- Clever Jabs
- Journalism
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Fran Lebowitzborn 1950
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949Deep Thoughts: Inspiration for the Uninspired (1992), Berkley Books
- Jack Handey
Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx1890–1977Quote by Leo Rosten in The Many Worlds of Leo Rosten (1964)
- Clever Jabs
Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you’re standing.
Steve Martinborn 1945Picasso at the Lapin Agile
It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody⁠—and we are not naming names but this would be his wife⁠—is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry