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Quotes about comedy

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I’d move to Los Angeles if New Zealand and Australia were swallowed up by a tidal wave, if there was a bubonic plague in England and if the continent of Africa disappeared from some Martian attack.
Russell Croweborn 1964New York Daily News (2000)
- Clever Jabs
What is an elegant woman? An elegant woman is a woman who despises you and who has no hair under her arms.
Salvador Dalí1904–1989In The Secret Life of Salvador Dalí—first publication in 1942
- Women
I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they’re the last to know.
Rodney Dangerfield1921–2004
I’m at an age where I think more about food than sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.
Rodney Dangerfield1921–2004
- Food
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous⁠—everyone hasn’t met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield1921–2004
I just finished my first book. Pretty soon, I’m gonna read another.
Rodney Dangerfield1921–2004
I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.
Clarence Darrow1857–1938The Story of My Life (1932), Ch. 10 “Child Training”
- Life & Death
It is absolutely safe to say that if you meet somebody who claims not to believe in evolution, that person is ignorant, stupid or insane (or wicked, but I’d rather not consider that).
Richard Dawkinsborn 1941Reviewing Blueprints: Solving the Mystery of Evolution (1989) by Maitland A. Edey and Donald C. Johanson
- Clever Jabs
- Science
Some people say, “New York’s a great place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.” I say that about other places.
Robert De Niroborn 1943“What I’ve Learned”, Esquire
Chicago is the product of modern capitalism, and, like all other great commercial centers, is unfit for human habitation.
Eugene V. Debs1855–1926What’s the matter with Chicago? (1902)
- Clever Jabs
- Economics
Great families of yesterday we show,
And lords whose parents were the Lord knows who.
Daniel Defoe1660–1731The True-Born Englishman (1701), Pt. I, l. 374.
- Clever Jabs
If I were the government I would have a special brigade of gendarmes to keep an eye on artists who paint landscapes from nature. Oh, I don’t mean to kill anyone; just a little dose of bird-shot now and then as a warning.
Edgar Degas1834–1917As quoted in Ambroise Vollard, Degas: An Intimate Portrait (1927), p. 56
- Art
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-five now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneresborn 1958
Such is our pride, our folly, or our fate,
That few but such as cannot write, translate.
John Denham1615–1669To Sir Richard Fanshaw (1648), line 1
- Clever Jabs
- Writing
In all possible universes, Monday was the same.
Philip K. Dick1928–1982Eye in the Sky (1957), Chapter 9 (p. 119)