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Quotes about comedy

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Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, “Be fruitful and multiply.” But not in those words.
Woody Allenborn 1935The Woody Allen Companion (1993) edited by Stephen J. Spignesi, Ch. 7.
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin1937–2008When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (2004)
The writers against religion, whilst they oppose every system, are wisely careful never to set up any of their own.
Edmund Burke1729–1797A Vindication of Natural Society (1756), Preface
- Clever Jabs
- Religion
One becomes a critic when one cannot be an artist, just as a man becomes a stool pigeon when he cannot be a soldier.
Gustave Flaubert1821–1880Letters to Madame Louise Colet, 22 October 1846
- Art
- Clever Jabs
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956Prejudices, First Series (1919), Ch. 6, “The New Poetry Movement”
- Anger
Brought up in an epoch when ladies apparently rolled along on wheels, Mr. Quarles was peculiarly susceptible to calves.
Aldous Huxley1894–1963Point Counter Point (1928), Ch. 20
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Especially if it’s me!
George Carlin1937–2008“Interview With Jesus”
- Anti-Religion
- Christianity
No one minds what Jeffrey says:[…] it is not more than a week ago that I heard him speak disrespectfully of the Equator.
Sydney Smith1771–1845Lady Holland’s Memoir (1855), Vol. I, ch. 2, p. 36
- Clever Jabs
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re tired.
George Carlin1937–2008It’s Bad for Ya (2008), “Getting old”
- Age
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Clever Jabs
There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.
Robert Benchley1889–1945“What — No Budapest”, My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew (1936)
Macaulay is like a book in breeches… He has occasional flashes of silence, that make his conversation perfectly delightful.
Sydney Smith1771–1845Lady Holland’s Memoir (1855), Vol. I, ch. 11, p. 415
- Clever Jabs
- Talking
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for. As for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Clever Jabs
- Politics
Has it not got down as thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had starved to death?
Abraham Lincoln1809–1865On popular sovereignty; rejoinder in the Sixth Lincoln-Douglas Debate (13 October 1858); reported in The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln, ed. Roy P. Basler (1953), vol. 3, p. 279
- Clever Jabs
Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
Ambrose Bierce1842–1914The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- God