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Quotes about comedy

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous⁠—everyone hasn’t met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield1921–2004
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles.
Bill Maherborn 1956
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don’t eat pork. I’m sorry, what was that last one? Don’t eat pork? Is that the word of God, or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
Jon Stewartborn 1962
Back in the old days, most families were close-knit. Grown children and their parents continued to live together, under the same roof, sometimes in the same small, crowded room, year in and year out, until they died, frequently by strangulation.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck through an inner tube.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Look, all I’m saying is, if these big stars didn’t want people going through their garbage and saying they’re gay, then they shouldn’t have tried to express themselves creatively.
HSHomer Simpson
- The Simpsons
Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman⁠—it’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal’s out of town.
Steve Martinborn 1945Hosting the 73rd Academy Awards (2001) [14:42]
As a woman, I find it very embarrassing to be in a meeting and realize I’m the only one in the room with balls.
Rita Mae Brownborn 1944
- Clever Jabs
- Women
The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, “people without lives.” We don’t care. We have each other…
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
- Internet
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Curiousity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wrightborn 1955I Have A Pony (1985)
- Steven Wright
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Steven Wrightborn 1955
- Steven Wright
Classical music gradually lost popularity because it is too complicated: you need twenty-five or thirty skilled musicians just to hum it properly. So people began to develop regular music.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you’d find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
Douglas Adams1952–2001The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (1979)